Where is home?

I returned ´home´ for a few weeks to help Mum out after the loss of our beloved Frank, and her hystorectomy operation.  First going to Bristol to stay with my twin Charlotte I made the most of catching up on snuggles with my nephews.  Boy had I missed them.  I thought I was going to shove my face with Cadbury´s chocolate and Walker´s crisps, but after seeing the diminished and pathetic size of a Twirl which I shoved in one go and the peppery taste of Prawn Cocktail crisps, I gave up on British food.  Well I suppose you can not call Cadbury´s British anymore after it has been bastardised by Kraft.  (No offense intended to our friends accross the pond, jut sick of corporate greed and the disappearance of a British tradition).

 But I had a strange sense of not belonging when I was back in Britain.  I had been only gone for a year but it just didn´t seem like home.  It was great to catch up with friends who made special efforts to see me, but my England just wasn´t mine anymore.  We went back to Northamptonshire, which Mum was dreading.  The grass was long and needed cutting.  There were so many letters to sort out.  Bills to transfer.  Frank´s clothes needed folding away in the wardrobe.  That was probably the hardest thing I had to do when I was there.  Mum has to slowly learn to live on her own again and we had many days of tears and sorrow.

My niece Georgia had her wedding.  I cried through almost every hymn.  Probably because I could not make it to Frank´s funeral, and it was like my personal send off for him, but also because I sensed such an overwhelming feeling of love and peace at that time as two hundred people sang the most beautiful songs.  I think it closed a chapter for me.  While I have cried since, I am more at peace in my heart with the loss of Frank.

I missed my Mauricio so much when I was in England.  This trip made me realize even more than before how much I love him.  As one chapter closed, we would be opening another, with our wedding in December and trying to start our own family.  As the plane crossed the Andes, it felt like I was truly coming home.  To the place where I felt so out of place and lost a year ago.  My emotional compass finally restored.  My heart settled in my Chile.