It's time to make a difference.

I handed in my proposal for my once a week art class yesterday and have had the go ahead to start next Friday sharing my time and my love of art to these beautiful young children.  Maria Teresa School is a small school in the centre of Santiago, with little resources and children from a poor economic background and often from broken families.

I went to visit the reception year children who crowded round me and embraced me, they were not shy at all.  There is something so special about young children, they have such an powerful and healing energy, it was just what I needed. I then met one of my pupils for the class, Hadi, a nine year old Peruvian girl, who had a nervous quiver in her lip.  My heart just melted.  It just all clicked, right there, right then.  

I thought to myself, fine, it is not a job with an amazing company, it is not what I envisaged for my life here in Chile and it does not pay, but I have the chance to make a difference to these children.  I have the opportunity to give them my love and understanding, to build their confidence and self-esteem and what I will get in return is going to far outweigh any financial reward.

It made me ponder, what are we here for on this earth?  Material gains really are nothing.  What can I bring to the table, what can I give to others?  Even just by changing your attitude you can make a difference.   Since last year I have been following a more spiritual path, trying to be kinder, focusing only on the best in others and attempting to shed myself of negativity. It is not easy trying not to get sucked into this materialistic and selfish world, but being a positive and loving person really is fulfilling and my life is starting to get better.

Prayers for Frank and Mum

Life is so cruel.  We don't know what will hit us from one day to the next.  My heart hurts as I type this, my throat feels heavy.  I just want to cry and cry and cry.  Frank is the partner of my mother.  He has prostrate cancer.  He is waiting on an operation from the NHS to relieve some of the symptoms.  In the meantime he is in pain.  God, life is so unfair.  My mother has so many worries and is exhausted.  My nan has alzheimers, my mother herself is waiting for the date for her own operation.  Why do bad things happen to good people?

In this entry I am asking for all of you to join me in prayer, or if you are not religious, just keep my mum and Frank in your thoughts. 

Archangel Raphael, I ask you to shine your green healing light upon them.  Archangel Michael, as my guardian and loyal friend, I ask you to send them strength, comfort and peace.  Let them know they are not alone.  Let them know how much they are loved.

Amen.

It rained today and I thought of you

It rained today and I thought of you.  The leaves were slippery beneath my feet, the rain smelt good as it permeated the tarmac.  The autumnal colours felt comforting.  In an instant I had left Chile and was with you again.  The boys were laughing as they squelched their wellies in the mud, squeals of delight as they ran in the rain.  I saw your face again, your beautiful soul, I sensed your maternal joy.  Oh how I miss you Charlotte, your words of advice, your warm embrace.  How I would love to hold and kiss my boys.  How much I miss Sebastiaan's sensitivity and Theo's glow.  It is so hard being without you dear, but every now and then, an experience in the present takes me back to memory past.  These wonderful memories I hold in my heart, they can never be erased.   

Although it might not be much, be thankful for what you have got.

Mauricio and I have designed our own little house for construction in Laguna Verde, a coastal town close to Valparaiso.  It is on the same plot of land as Mauricio's mother's house with a spectacular view of the mountains and close to the sea.  We have hired a maestro to make our dream a reality.  Although it will  be very small, we will finally have somewhere to call our own and I am getting excited at the thought of having something which is an amalgamation of our ideas where we can focus our love and energies.  We are going to name it hummingbird house, or casa picaflor, as we are blessed with having these beautiful visitors to our garden.

Our maestro Hugo is doing a cracking job, he lives with his older daughter and her children in Laguna, Verde but is currently staying on site in one of the spare rooms.  Mauricio and I went to drop some things off at his house the other day, and when I arrived my heart sank.  A one roomed cabin on the beach with a kitchen in the open air outside.  With a tear in my eye, I pondered, how could it be that this man is constructing something so beautiful for us, yet he has so little?  I got told by Mauricio's mum that  in his own house he sleeps on the floor as he doesn't have a bed there.  The injustice of it all is just heartbreaking.  Slowly I have got to know him, he is hardworking and extremely talented, but due to his social status he has never had opportunities to flourish.

Due to the beauty of his craft, and thanks to the neighbours that come to have a nose at the work, he has been offered other jobs after he has finished our house.  He has even mentioned that he has plans to build a house for himself.  Such happiness I felt when I heard this.  The message I want people to take from this  entry is that for one, sometimes you just have to give people a chance, and two, feel very lucky for the life that you have got.  There is no welfare here in Chile and little social housing so you have to work to make a living.  Here the Chileans will do anything, from selling fruit and vegetables to cleaning shoes and looking after your car while you go about your business.  Chileans are very proud people and we can learn a lot from them.

O divine hummingbird how magnificent art thee...

 Have you ever held a hummingbird in your hands?  It is the most spiritually uplifiting thing I have ever experienced.  My love for hummingbirds began when I encountered one during my trek to Machu Picchu.  At high altitude there is what I can only describe as a jungle type environment and here was the first time I met with what I consider one of God's most precious creatures.  They are magical.  Breathtakingly stunning is not even a sufficient word to describe them.  I have seen them hover in the trees in Mendoza, Argentina in the midst of summer, and now, I can not believe my luck to tell you that they arrive in our garden in Laguna Verde. 

This beauty came into our house last Sunday.  She, I say she is a she because I have been told that the males have a red breast, was such a sight to behold.  I felt her heart beat, I saw all her beautiful colours.  Her presence made me feel such an elevated feeling of well being and peace.  They say that hummingbirds are a gateway between life and death, messengers from another realm.  I wonder what message this marvellous creature had for me from our dearly departed?  Releasing her back into the wild was a release for me, I let all my worries go, I let them fly away with her into the wind.

Lost in Santiago

I am not physically lost in Santiago, geographically I know where I am.  I live in Providencia, a beautiful neighbourhood in Santiago, Chile, where trees are a plenty and the birds sing sweetly.  It's emotionally that I feel lost and I am unable to navigate my feelings, my inner compass is broke.  I left Bristol, England, at the end of September, leaving everything behind for love: a wonderful family, a job, friends.  I was caught up in a whirlwind following my heart to be with the most wonderful man, my soulmate, but I sometimes question is love enough?

In various stages of my life, I have had moments of panic.  What have I done in my life to be proud of?  What I am here on this earth for?  When I was 21 with no love life, I started crying uncontrollably, would I end up as a spinster and die alone?  At 24, I lamented the fact that I had failed to achieve an amazing career, what was wrong with me?  Why could no one see the potential in me with the same eyes that I saw myself? I have been in Chile for nearly seven months and I have returned to the same question.  I have no job.  I am a housewife.  A nana puertas adentro con ventajas (live in maid with advantages).  This is not what I had imagined for myself.

I have a Masters in Latin American History, I have always excelled in every job role, I just don't seem to fit into the Chilean work environment.  Why doesn't anybody want me?  I feel rejected.  Careers here are very focused: medicine, tourism, psychology, engineering - transferrable skills are not recognised.  While I fret about being at a standstill, and after a deep and meaningful talk with my psychologist boyfriend, I began to realise the problem is me, not Chile.  I have to adjust to Chile, not Chile adjust to me.  I have an opportunity to make the most of what I have got.  I am rediscovering my love of art, and, I am meeting with the director of an underprivelledged school in Santiago to volunteer my services to do art sessions with at risk children.  I hope this works out.  In the meantime I will continue to love my love, enjoy this beautiful environment in which I find myself, and hope to take control of my emotional compass.