I am not physically lost in Santiago, geographically I know where I am. I live in Providencia, a beautiful neighbourhood in Santiago, Chile, where trees are a plenty and the birds sing sweetly. It's emotionally that I feel lost and I am unable to navigate my feelings, my inner compass is broke. I left Bristol, England, at the end of September, leaving everything behind for love: a wonderful family, a job, friends. I was caught up in a whirlwind following my heart to be with the most wonderful man, my soulmate, but I sometimes question is love enough?
In various stages of my life, I have had moments of panic. What have I done in my life to be proud of? What I am here on this earth for? When I was 21 with no love life, I started crying uncontrollably, would I end up as a spinster and die alone? At 24, I lamented the fact that I had failed to achieve an amazing career, what was wrong with me? Why could no one see the potential in me with the same eyes that I saw myself? I have been in Chile for nearly seven months and I have returned to the same question. I have no job. I am a housewife. A nana puertas adentro con ventajas (live in maid with advantages). This is not what I had imagined for myself.
I have a Masters in Latin American History, I have always excelled in every job role, I just don't seem to fit into the Chilean work environment. Why doesn't anybody want me? I feel rejected. Careers here are very focused: medicine, tourism, psychology, engineering - transferrable skills are not recognised. While I fret about being at a standstill, and after a deep and meaningful talk with my psychologist boyfriend, I began to realise the problem is me, not Chile. I have to adjust to Chile, not Chile adjust to me. I have an opportunity to make the most of what I have got. I am rediscovering my love of art, and, I am meeting with the director of an underprivelledged school in Santiago to volunteer my services to do art sessions with at risk children. I hope this works out. In the meantime I will continue to love my love, enjoy this beautiful environment in which I find myself, and hope to take control of my emotional compass.
Oh I can feel the heaviness in your heart. But take one step at a time, believe in yourself, keep going, follow your heart. The art sessions with at risk children sounds amazing! What a great step. You will find yourself, just give it time. You've only been here for a short while, you'll find your place, I'm positive you will. Lots of love x
ResponderEliminarIt was even hard for me as Chilean when I tried to get back in my own country few years ago. Am sure it will all work-out just fine for you, and Mauricio. Working with art, and at risk children sound a great project and a way to gain confidence that you can make it. I will keep my eyes open and see if my people there know any similar or other activities that it may be interesting for you. There is also an Anglo-Chilean community in Santiago although I don't know if you would like to be associated to an English centre. They hold a lot of activities promoting English-Chilean culture as much as the language and they need and look for people to teach or give lectures. With your masters in Latin America History it may be something that they are interested to incorporate in their cultural activities. Providencia, is my barrio where I was born and brought-up I love it still. I wish I would be back right now there especially at this time of the year when the golden-brown colours of fall, and the early morning- blue of the Cordilleras in the background gives an even intense beauty to my barrio. Be strong and all the best. R.
ResponderEliminarIf you were given the choice between a life with a stunning career and no love or the opposite, which one would you go for?
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